For 364 days out of the year, you’re a pretty decent human being. But for just one day, be it for a random costume party or for Halloween, you’ve decided to be a douchebag. The following guide will help you along your way to becoming the douchiest douchbag you can possibly be.
Having a tan is vital to the appearance of any douchebag. Having a tacky spray-on tan is really just taking it to the next level. You probably don’t have to do your whole body to complete the costume, just your face, neck, and arms should be fine. Be sure to wear some sort of goggles while applying it to your head. In part, this is to ensure that you don’t get any in your eyes, as I’m sure that would hurt like hell, but mostly it’s so that the pale-white skin around your eyes and over your nose makes you look as douchey as you can. Don’t worry, you’ll only look ridiculous at work for “up to 5 days” after you wear the costume.
What goes better with a spray-on tan than spiked back hair? Nothing, that’s what. You’ve really got two options for this one. For those with uncooperative hair, much like myself, you might prefer to go with the always-classy orange spiked hair wig, which should really go well with your new skin color. For those of you with hair that will do what you want, some styling putty should do the trick. When you think you’ve used enough of it to hold your hair in place for the night, add more.
This part is extremely easy to follow: Buy at least two collared polo-style shirts, in different colors. Bonus points if they don’t match. Wear them all at once. Flip all of the collars up. Done.
Pretty much any khaki pants will work just fine, so wear whatever is comfortable. More than likely you’ve already got a pair sitting around.
Every douchebag needs his bling. I’d recommend at least one of each of the following, the gaudier the better: a gold necklace, a gold bracelet and/or watch, and a gold pinky ring. If you already own any of these that you think would work, great, otherwise just buy something cheap and fake.
There you have it! I hope you’ve enjoyed this costume tutorial. If you do choose to be a douchebag for Halloween this year, I hope your friends find it as amusing as I would.